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A Road Unsuited

by Andrew Pearson

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1.
I Wish (free) 02:58
I wish I could go back to when I was younger I wish I could be the person I want to be I wish my heart was stronger I wish you wouldn't see through me I wish I never knew no bounds I wish I could see all the things I've found I wish at Easter they'd roll me down a hill I wish I could go home every time I feel ill I wish I was more like a brick wall I wish my friends would return my calls I wish my eyesight was a little bit better I wish someone would write me a love letter I wish I was taller about six foot two I wish when I was young I never knew the things I knew I wish I was a second generation american jew I wish I didn't love you but I do I wish I wasn't scared of spiders and wasps I wish I was special like a caramel wispa I wish I had iron in the soul I wish I was hot like burning coals I wish I was funny like Woody Allen I wish I poetic like Leonard Cohen I wish my jokes never did any harm I wish I was more able to charm I wish I was taller about six foot two I wish when I was young I never knew the things I knew I wish I was a second generation american jew I wish I didn't love you but I do I wish I could go back to when I was younger I wish I could be the person I want to be I wish my heart was stronger I wish you wouldn't see through me I wish I was a little bit bolder I wish my blood ran a little bit colder I wish I could see the truth in everything I wish I'd been born able to sing I wish I was a brazilian salsa dancer I wish there was a question I was able to answer I wish the morning came later in the day I wish I could say the things I want to say I wish I was taller about six foot two I wish when I was young I never knew the things I knew I wish I was a second generation american jew I wish I didn't love you but I do
2.
When we walked beneath the stars did the romance of that night Crush your lungs and your bones like it did mine Caught in the orange glow of a street light Your face belied no signs I did my best to keep you laughing all the time As we struggled to stumble along in a straight line I wonder what thoughts were crawling through your mind I'd like to remove your forehead so I could see inside A permanent smile creased your face Was it because you were pleased you were sharing my space Or were you drowning in the deep end of a drunken daze Waves are lapping against my shins Do I dare to paddle because I know when I'm in The current will drag me out to sea And you'll be the stone that's tied to me Your bag was hooked in the crook of your elbow As you marvelled at the way my drunken words flowed I don't listen to what I say there's only one thought I know: 'Are you above love cos I reckon I'm below' One foot in front of the other like we've always done Seemed so hard after a night having fun They say the atmosphere weighs about a tonne Well I can feel every pound between here and the sun Your phone heavy with texts you dropped With hair in your eyes like grass upon a clifftop You scrambled round until you eventually picked it up Waves are lapping against my shins Do I dare to paddle because I know when I'm in The current will drag me out to sea And you'll be the stone that's tied to me
3.
Masquerade 03:33
You fall through life's pinball machine Ricocheting around until your eyes gleam Forgetting yourself, youth's hopeful dreams You get frozen and melted and turned into steam Then one day you inevitably fade I'm fed up of this masquerade You' get screamed at in the morning by your alarm Then thrown out on to society's farm You do your best to keep out of harm To stay presentable, to stay warm To keep fed with the table laid I'm fed up of this masquerade You learn to swim and to drive a car You read the papers and you listen to the charts You talk to the neighbours about the sun or the haar You stand in your coattails in front of the registrar Life is like a knotted piece of string You can see where it starts and know it must end But in the middle is just a mess and your fingers can't feel a thing All I'm left with is my breath and the body that I'm in You save all insightful comments for your book group You think you're so bohemian cause you wear t-shirts of Warhol soup You jump through all of life's little loops You cheer on bravely our proud troops You turn up to all their parades I'm fed up of this masquerade People higher than you you try to impress By obsequiously always saying yes In your spreadsheet mind you define success By owning cars and holidays in the US You think you've got it made I'm fed up of this masquerade Life is like a knotted piece of string You can see where it starts and know it must end But in the middle is just a mess and your fingers can't feel a thing All I'm left with is my breath and the body that I'm in Life is like a knotted piece of string You can see where it starts and know it must end But in the middle is just a mess and your fingers can't feel a thing All I'm left with is my breath and the song that I sing
4.
If She 03:29
I chummed her to the bus stop and waited for her thirty one, We stood there laughing and I prayed that bus would never come. She wore her school tie short, shirt, skirt above the knee. Her tongue was like a trebuchet floating seductive words at me But my lips were tied it seemed with foolish thoughts And I gargled garbled words speaking slipping knots But I tried to keep it all under a facade With my feet crossed and eyes looking kind of sad. I’m asking ‘what’s so wrong with my personality?’ Facebook says I’m neurotic so maybe that’s the key. I’m not so hideous, I’m very nearly funny So why are girls so repulsed by the sight of me? I’m lagging ‘cause she’s using up all my memory, I think I’ll crash if I don’t ask if she likes me Long walks round Cammo, kicking my mind like rocks. I’m running out of ammo, I’m forgetting how to talk. It sounds daft I know and would she be surprised If I came out with the line “I seek solace in your eyes”? I go to the woods at night and drink my body weight in cider And I lie there feeling frightened, really frightened for my future. She wants to go to Aberdeen, I want to go to Glasgow But TBH in the end I’ll go wherever she goes. I’m asking ‘what’s so wrong with my personality?’ Facebook says I’m neurotic so maybe that’s the key. I’m not so hideous, I’m very nearly funny So why are girls so repulsed by the sight of me? I’ll meet her in the hall but I don’t know what to say, So I stall and falter around a cliché, I’m lagging ‘cause she’s using up all my memory, I think I’ll crash if I don’t ask if she likes me. I’m sitting in this common room playing cards ‘til my eyes dissolve, Coming to terms with the fact that this equation can’t be solved And she’s there (unaware) a blonde mirage And my heart it races like a cavalry charge ‘Cause she’s funny and charming and under no pretence And she seems to like me and that’s not so irrelevant But I’m short and spotty and I’ve got curly hair. I know I’m no Hercules - my strengths lie elsewhere. I’m asking ‘what’s so wrong with my personality’? Facebook says I’m neurotic so maybe that’s the key I’m not so hideous, I’m very nearly funny So why are girls so repulsed by the sight of me? I know I’m not cool, I’m just a rock ‘n’ roll geek. Sometimes I lose control and the ability to speak. I’ll meet her in the hall but I don’t know what to say, So I stall and falter around a cliché, I’m lagging ‘cause she’s using up all my memory, I think I’ll crash if I don’t ask if she likes me.
5.
Bookmarks 03:18
We ran down the track to the water tower And sheltered from the shower. My guitar was slung over my shoulder And I played you songs for hours. The sun fell down around us And we smoked through the darkness. We were threatened by a sadness As the glow ringed our faces. ‘Cause we’ve read the books and we’ve listened to the songs. Whatever we have now, we both know it won’t last long So we use our love as a bookmark as we hide in Cammo Park ‘Cause we both know how the story ends. We walked back to your Daddy’s Lexus. I felt a twinge in my solar plexus. As you fiddled with your necklace, You joked that I was so reckless - So I took a bite out of my neuroses And put a hand round your waist Said ‘you smell of pleuroses’ And pulled you into place. But we’ve read the books and we’ve listened to the songs. Whatever we have now, we both know it won’t last long So we use our love as a bookmark as we drive out of Cammo Park ‘Cause we both know how the story ends. Maybe I’ll find that I can’t live My lungs are your now, let me breathe I walk with your legs and see with your eyes We’re at the start but know what that implies. As we drive beneath the trees The blossom’s blown off by the breeze To be replaced by pale green leaves, The seasons never freeze. I know you’re a competent driver But up ahead there lies a danger. We have no illusions of grandeur, We know that we’ll be injured. ‘Cause we’ve read the books and we’ve listened to the songs. Whatever we have now, we both know it won’t last long So we use our love as a bookmark as we drive out of Cammo Park ‘Cause we both know how the story ends.
6.
Dying with my mind tied in knots On my face traces of my tears Nothing in my pockets but disjointed thoughts And the realisation of my fears There’s no point in loving once more I would only be wasting it As the smoke diffuses under the door Soon, I will be tasting it But I don’t mind anymore Masks line the walls of my jealousy But they are vacant of all lies I wish I’d been born in Tennessee For I’d have no need of this disguise There are those who live perfumed lives Their clothes never seem to crease No matter how I struggle and strive My pains never seem to cease But I don’t mind anymore Nothing to be done, nothing to be done Except wait for judgement day There are no words in my life that can be sung Or my tongue can find to say I wonder if I’ve left anything behind Some everlasting note As the smoke like some ghostly vine Begins to tie round my throat But I don’t mind anymore
7.
Devils 02:41
I sit with my back to the door And stare into my tomb Curtains hang down to the floor And shut out the moon Photos you used to abhor Litter the room My mind like never before Wants sleep to consume I dry my eyes with my sleeve And I try to stand I have no intentions to leave I’m fine where I am I just cannot believe But I know people can When I think it’s time to grieve They say it’s part of His plan We choose our own levels And write our stories to tell We each are our own devils And we make our own hell. I cross the room to the window And gaze through the glaze Thermometer reads four below zero And the sky’s a blend of greys It was not so long ago I longed for these days When I didn’t let myself show My melancholy, my craze We choose our own levels And write our stories to tell We each are our own devils And we make our own hell.
8.
Don’t turn around and tell me I frown too much, I can’t bear to hear those words. Like Icarus, I was nervous to touch – An attempt to flatter scared you’ll scatter like the birds Who are already singing and it’s four in the morning Want to join in with their chorus, fly through the forest with them Tried to paint you out my memory, like a modern day Branwell Bronte But like a badly fitted kilt or the pain of guilt you hung around me I’m cloaked in your haze Like a lab rat in a maze Tried to shred you in my head But you wouldn’t feed through the blades That’s an odd way of saying things That’s an odd way of saying things That’s an odd way of saying things But you’re not so normal yourself Your face is an argument in all its violence Your eyes are flies caught in amber resin Your words are a murder and I’m the victim, Would you kill me just one more time? Don’t shine your torch at me so much, You might see in to my mind and find out too much You play me like a violin, Costorphine heroine. No sword could ever slice your zircon skin. Can’t climb out of this cage, I’ve forgotten the sun’s rays, Tried to shred you in my head But you wouldn’t feed through the blades That’s an odd way of saying things That’s an odd way of saying things That’s an odd way of saying things But you’re not so normal yourself
9.
Make It Warm 02:20
You climb the stairs like a tendril in the volleying breeze Then pick off the petals in a love me not of some ease Then turned to the fireplace and looked at me from the corner of your eye You only used the word ‘one’, you never used the pronoun ‘I.’ Make it warm, close the door, open your arms Make it warm, close the door, open your arms to me. You curtail me with your smile for while I’d like to try something new Every time I meet your eye I find there’s nowhere else I can move I could sing a thousand sin bin synonyms but none would ever get close to Expressing the way you take me out of play, watching life from a bird’s eye view Make it warm, close the door, open your arms Make it warm, close the door, open your arms to me. Erstwhile child grown now and defiled by growth he writes Spinning similes that spiral through the night Make it warm, close the door, open your arms Make it warm, close the door, open your arms to me.
10.
On Love 02:28
It really screws you up, play’s tricks with your mind Makes you lose all sense of direction, makes you lose all sense of time Makes you cry out for a sign, some guidance from above I think they call that love It makes you overwhelmed by every argument Makes you misunderstand every sentiment Marks on you a dent, you’re never going to get rid of I think they call that love It makes you go deaf and your eyes go kind of hazy Makes you see the majesty in the most insignificant daisy Makes you go crazy, loop-the-loop like a dove I think they call that love Gives you the blues, so confused, you know it really gets you down Throws you into a world where you’re never going to be found Makes you feel like you’re a clown but you never have enough I think they call that love

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Recorded at Sound Cafe in rural Scotland.

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released November 8, 2010

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Andrew Pearson Glasgow, UK

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